When Grief Has No Easy Answers: Understanding Suicide Loss During Suicide Awareness Month

By Dr. Lizette Solis, PhD, LCPC
Dr. Solis Therapy & Consulting

September is Suicide Awareness Month a time to raise awareness, reduce stigma, encourage honest conversations about suicide, and remind people that support is available.

For those who have experienced the suicide of someone they love, awareness can feel deeply personal.

Suicide does not affect only the person who is struggling. Its impact can ripple through families, friendships, workplaces, schools, and entire communities. For survivors of suicide loss, grief can be complicated by questions that may never have clear answers: Why did this happen? Could I have done something differently? Did they know how much they were loved? Why didn’t I see the signs?

There may be grief, anger, guilt, confusion, relief, sadness, disbelief, and even moments of numbness.

And sometimes, there is silence.

A Personal Reflection on Suicide Loss

I have seen and experienced how suicide can leave an imprint on the people who remain.

The loss does not simply end with the death. Survivors may find themselves revisiting conversations, memories, missed signs, and unanswered questions. They may wonder whether they should have called more often, asked a different question, noticed something sooner, or somehow intervened.

Grief after suicide can feel different because the circumstances surrounding the death can bring additional layers of guilt, anger, stigma, and confusion. There can be a desire to understand something that may never fully make sense.

One of the things I want survivors to know is this: grief does not have a timetable. You don’t have to “move on.” Healing can mean learning how to carry the loss while slowly making room for life again.

When Someone May Be Struggling

One of the most important things we can do during Suicide Awareness Month is learn to recognize when someone may be experiencing suicidal thoughts.

Warning signs can include:

• Saying they feel hopeless, trapped, or like they have no reason to live
• Saying they are a burden to others
• Experiencing unbearable emotional or physical pain
• Increasing their use of alcohol or other substances
• Withdrawing or isolating themselves
• Giving away meaningful possessions
• Looking for ways to die or making a suicide plan
• Extreme mood changes, agitation, rage, or unusual calmness after a period of distress
• Engaging in unusually risky or reckless behavior

These signs deserve attention, particularly when they are new, increasing, or connected to a painful loss, transition, or life event. 

You don’t have to be certain someone is suicidal before asking.

Ask the Question

If you’re worried about someone, you can say:

“I’ve noticed you’ve been struggling lately. Are you thinking about suicide?”

Asking directly about suicide does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior. It can create an opportunity for someone to tell you what they are experiencing and connect with support. 

NIMH recommends five basic actions: Ask, Be There, Help Keep Them Safe, Help Them Connect, and Follow Up. 

1. ASK: Studies show that asking people  if they are suicidal does not increase suicidal behavior or thoughts.
2. BE THERE: Listening without judgment is key to learning what the person is thinking and feeling.
3. HELP KEEP THEM SAFE: Reducing access to highly lethal items or places can help prevent suicide. Asking the person if they have a plan and making lethal means less available can help the person stay safe.
4. HELP THEM CONNECT: Connecting the person with the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline  (call or text 988) and other community resources can give them a safety net when they need it.
5. FOLLOW UP: Staying in touch with the person after they have experienced a crisis can make a difference. Studies show that supportive, ongoing contact can play an important role in suicide prevention.

For Survivors: Your Grief Matters Too

If you have lost someone to suicide, please remember that you deserve support as well.

Suicide loss can bring complicated emotions including grief, anger, guilt, fear, shame, and confusion. Anniversaries, birthdays, holidays, and other milestones can unexpectedly bring the loss back to the surface. 

You may find yourself thinking:

“I should be doing better by now.”

“Why am I still struggling?”

“I should have known.”

“I don’t want to talk about it because people won’t understand.”

There is no single way to grieve a suicide loss. You are allowed to grieve at your own pace. You are allowed to remember the person. You are allowed to talk about them. And you are allowed to seek professional support when grief begins to feel too heavy to carry alone.

Resources & Immediate Support

988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline

Call or text 988 for free, confidential crisis support available 24/7 in the United States. 

Immediate Danger

If someone is in immediate, life-threatening danger, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency department. 

NIMH Suicide Prevention Resources

The National Institute of Mental Health provides information about warning signs, prevention, treatment, and how to help someone experiencing suicidal thoughts. 

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention Resources

The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention provides information about prevention, processing loss, advocacy and how to help someone experiencing suicidal thoughts. 

You Don’t Have to Navigate It Alone

At Dr. Solis Therapy & Consulting, we believe mental health conversations should be compassionate, culturally responsive, and trauma-informed.

Whether you are struggling yourself, concerned about someone you love, or trying to make sense of a loss, reaching out for support is an act of care.

Dr. Solis Therapy & Consulting

📍 Chicago & surrounding areas
💻 Telehealth across Illinois
📞 877.222.5560
📧 lizette@drsolis.org
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